life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
