yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
