Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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