hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
