I want to make a zoo with you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
