I could make wine with my vomit
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
