I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
