So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
