I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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