tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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