i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
