my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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