I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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