I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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