If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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