"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
