oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
