maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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