I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
