I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
