Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
