why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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