what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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