i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
