Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
