it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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