Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we're so committed to being not committed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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