Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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