I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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