Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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