Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
soo... how was my night?
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