I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
