RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
