if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
