So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
