i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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