AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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