I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm really busy with my period
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