i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
