I wish I could teleport
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
