I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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