I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
