Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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