She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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