my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
