I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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