How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
