I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
