I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
