Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
