Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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