Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
