Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
