We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
