Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
