why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
