Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
