My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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