I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
