The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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