God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
