are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is wine microwaveable?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
