Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
