Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
