i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
