Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
