Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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