am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
