Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
