Farmville is her only friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
