If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
