Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
