It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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