i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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