life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
